Of Cabbages and Kings

February 7, 2009

Rant: Muthalik, Macaulay and monkeys

Filed under: Across the Universe, Random musing — Tags: — Chinmayi @ 2:15 am

I am sure that most people have notice this utterly silly man by now what with all his charging about like some sort of lunatic crossed with Batman crossed with a mechanical doll that reels off fraud sadhu speeches. For those (who like me) are given to ignoring the news for significant stretches of time: Pramod Muthalik is a man that thinks he can change Karnataka into Maharashtra. He intends to crawl about Karnataka with ” a priest, a turmeric stub and a mangal sutra” so that he can pounce on “couples being together in public and expressing their love”, drag them off to the nearest temple and get them married to eachother. This confidence appears to be based on his recent moments of fame courtesy of this attack on a pub in Mangalore in which his goons apparently attacked women at the pub viciously to ‘save them’ from western culture. 

This man is hilarious at so many levels. According to him what the girls were doing in the pub was not right according to Indian culture and tradition, and the attack was justified because the perpatrators first complained to the police about the pubbing but  no official action was taken. The Penal Code, Mr. Muthalik, you forgot the Indian Penal Code…the police enforce Macaulay’s law not Muthalik’s law, and they’re not going to prevent girls from drinking any more than they’re going to pull off your silly moustache if I file a complaint about its lack of aesthetic appeal. 

Comparable to dear Mr. Muthalik is NDTV (which is getting pretty good with the slapstick entertainment these days): NDTV promptly convened a self-righteous episode (yes episode – it is practically a drama series) of the Big Fight which was executed with what is becoming typical NDTV panache, meaning that a gang of partially educated school kids might easily come up with a more nuanced and well executed performance. Defending the fundamentalists, they had one chap from the Ram Sena, one lawyer and perhaps a couple of others. Arguing for the other side were a bunch of politicians and a social worker, and guess what…they were all female! They proceeded to have the silliest discussion I ever saw. All the conservatives unshamedly asserted that women oughtn’t drink – one chap even attempted to use the constitution in support of this position. The Ram Sena representative discussing Mangalore as ‘we’ spoke such a thick North Indian accent that it is tempting to conclude that he took a crash course in English simply to be able to supervise his guerilla operations in Karnataka. The liberals while insisting that they were pro-choice, defensively announced that they didn’t approve of drinking. One of those irritating self righteous girls who parrots everything Mama ever taught her popped out of the audience to announce that one person’s alchohol affects everybody else, as if everybody that has ever had a glass of wine promptly drove into a school bus straight after.

I’d have loved to go to that show  – to uncork a bottle of champagne on air in celebration of my freedom to drink it, and to offer it around. I’d expel anybody that didn’t take a sip from the show: anyone that hasn’t ever tried alchohol is hardly in a position to pontificate on its effects. I’d offer the host half the bottle of wine to cool his badly directed zeal for a perfectly good cause and give him a list of articulate people that he might have invited to his show.

So did the Muthalik calculate correctly? I wonder, I really wonder… 

As for the Ram Sena monkeys, people say that there’s no point in them trying all this in a state like Karnataka. People rage, people rant and in an increasingly disturbing trend towards random counterproductive reaction, people refuse to vote. I don’t know… any state foolish enough to get itself a BJP government may well be foolish enough to be bullied by morons. Mumbai has at least as many intellectuals and activists as Karnataka does but it lives in the thrall of the Shiv Sena.



  1. Well said…. but now what, we still have to live with the backboneless BJP, the monkeys and mustashey’s. all the so called silent protests ranting and raving leads to nothing. Frankly our so called culture is barbaric, what happeneic to the refinement so the yesteryears i wonder ?

    Comment by sachi — February 7, 2009 @ 6:18 am

  2. Thanks :). Well i did find this interesting idea on the internet if you are interested…an effort to reclaim the running of our country – I thought it was pretty good: http://www.neverforget.in/index.php

    Comment by Maya — February 8, 2009 @ 1:06 am

  3. most intellectuals resort to participating in pub stool discourses rather than “doing something about” issues concerning them. Hence, such saffron-coated monkeys rule in the time of chimpanzees (like Beck said)

    Comment by Christy Bharath — February 11, 2009 @ 5:00 am

  4. Or perhaps it is just that the cruder ‘value system’ always tends to prevail simply because the more evolved system would never employ the same brute violence? I read a beautifully crafted sentence (by Nayantara Sahgal) on that last winter but the words escape me.

    Comment by Maya — February 11, 2009 @ 8:35 am

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